Habits
by Sabichu
Summary: A young Toushirou Hijikata picks up smoking. Head canon character study.


**Habits**

Summary: A young Toushirou Hijikata picks up smoking.

Author's Notes: Gathering research then I decided to write this quick character study.

 ***Public service announcement, don't smoke, it's bad for you.***

* * *

Toushirou looked up to his big half-brother Tamegorou, watching him put a lighter against a small white paper cylinder that was on the edge of his mouth.

"What's that you're doing?" The younger boy asked. His eyes followed his brother's every move curiously.

The oldest brother exhaled a cloud of smoke that came out from his mouth, a distinct scent that Toushirou had smelled before in the house. "This is called smoking." He took in a deep breath in as the cylinder burned to a bright orange at the end, disintegrating, turning the tip to a dark gray.

This was the very smell that lingered in the house whenever Tamegorou passed by especially when he came back from his walk. It turned out that smell came from that little stick.

"What's 'smoking'?" His eyes continued follow.

Tamegorou flicked the ash into a porcelain dish next to him. He held the white stick between the second knuckle of his index and middle finger, lifting it up right, showing the boy what looked like burning herbs. "This is called a cigarette. It's something to calm you down after a long, stressful day."

"Today was a stressful day for you?" He was a little confused, not quite understanding how it was a bad day, especially when he went out to the market and didn't do any manual labor.

Tamegorou laughed in-between his cough, as swirls of smoke escaped from his mouth and nose.

Toushirou wasn't quite sure why he laughed the way he did.

The older brother placed his hand on the child's head, messing up his hair. "Not really, dealing with your siblings are pain though."

He sunk his head down. "Oh." He responded. Toushirou was only there at the main Hijikata household for only two weeks. Much to the other family's displeasure, Tamegorou enjoyed his company. "Am I really that much of a burden?"

The older brother pat Toushirou's shoulder. "They're just jealous that you have my attention." Traces of the smoke escaped every time he spoke, as he flared his nostrils releasing the rest in one blow.

Toushirou watched how incredibly calm and carefree his brother was, taking in deep breaths from a small stick. If only he can be calm and collected like him, especially dealing with the rest of his older half-siblings.

He gave a weak smile. "C-Can I try?" He reached out for the cigarette.

Tamegorou slunk to the side, taking the remaining cigarette from his mouth with his opposite hand. "Nope, you have no need for this right now. You only smoke when you are stressed. Focus being a kid first."

Toushirou pouted, sitting back next to him.

"What does it taste like?"

"Tastes horrible, like bitter dirt."

"Then why do you it?"

"It makes me feel good."

He still didn't understand the concept.

"Besides, smoking isn't good for you. I found myself struggling with the crops after I picked up this habit. Now, I can't seem to stop smoking." He warned.

* * *

Thorny they called him. After Tamegorou saved Toushirou's life from those bandits. He only did what he thought was right. Protecting his precious older brother was the right thing to do. One would think he would be would be praised.

No, he was called a no-good brat, a demon, an ugly bastard.

Somehow, under all that pain, Tamegorou continued to smile, reassuring Toushirou that he was all right. No matter many times he apologized, no many times he told his brother it was okay. Toushirou felt it was a lie.

" _Don't cry. You have to be stronger for the both of us now."_

Those words resonated in his mind.

He left that the household that night with half a box of cigarettes in his pocket.

* * *

After miles of running, the boy took refuge near a tree close to a pond, making a campfire for the night. He took out the box of cigarettes, studying the box, taking one stick out from the carton. Using the campfire, he lit it. He kept in the fire too long, burning off half the cigarette off, holding it between his thumb and index finger. He stared at it, watching it slowly burn before placing it between his lips, inhaling.

He immediately choked, coughing at the sheer sensation he just took in. It tasted horrible. He felt his lungs fill up with hot air with a tinge of sharpness spreading through his chest and the sting in his throat. It was as if his lungs ate something spicy, something he couldn't handle.

The boy tried again, drawing in air deeper this time, keeping the smoke in his lungs before letting it out a few seconds later, coughing again.

Closing his eyes, and taking another wisp, he felt that mellowness that his brother talked about, that calming effect after a stressful day. After all, he had nowhere to go and the only thing he had in his mind was to become stronger.

* * *

Toushirou took a break from the strenuous kendo practice, leaning against a tree. He lit his cigarette, inhaling the burn taking in that sweet high. He threw his head back against the bark letting that peace wash over him, releasing the smoke.

He didn't smoke often as his habit became more expensive, but it became additive to the point he needed at least one cigarette to get through his day.

He heard the rest of his classmates cheer with dozens of bamboo swords drop on the floor in the dojo.

"Thank you for the rice balls!" Kondo said to Sougo's older sister, Mitsuba, receiving the multiple wrapped boxes.

"Sou-chan, I made you some special ones with some chili flakes mixed into the salted salmon."

"Thank you, _Anenue_!" Sougo shouted in excitement. Toushirou noticed his voice was slightly of a higher pitch whenever he spoke to his sister.

She placed her hand over her mouth giggling. "Please enjoy."

Toushirou hid behind the tree, hoping Mitsuba would not see him. Even at this age, he still had butterflies in his stomach whenever she was around. He took in another brief draw of his cigarette, needing that calm in his bloodstream ASAP.

"Toushirou-san?" Her voice came from behind him.

He jumped. "M-M-Mitsuba-san…" He stuttered, turning red with his cigarette hang from his mouth.

She smiled, "I made these rice balls for you." Lifting the wrapped box in front of him with her head down. "These have extra mayo in the filling. Please accept these."

He blinked, taking the box. "T-Thank you." His face turned red again, avoiding eye contact. He realized he was being rude talking with her with his cigarette in his mouth.

Mitsuba blushed, hiding her face against her sleeve. "Please enjoy them. I hope it is to your liking." She turned her back, making her way to leave. He watched her, as she was further away from him.

She paused, "Toushirou-san— I don't mind you smoking in front of me."

His eyes widened in disbelief.

"I…I think you look really handsome and cool with it." She left it as that and continued to walk.

Toushirou's jaw dropped, along with the cigarette. He stood there with embarrassment and some happiness.

* * *

When he heard from Kondo that Mitsuba had contracted a lung disease, his habit became worse. It was normally one or two per day. However, it seemed he needed one every minute.

Logically, he knew that smoking was bad. Every part of him wanted to continue his bad expensive habit to be closer to the ones he loved. He was too good of a swordsman to die quickly and his penance was to keep smoking until his lungs turned black for every soul he cut down, whether good or bad.

Toushirou Hijikata, lover of mayonnaise, and cigarettes wanted to stop all of his bad habits, but can't seem to do it.

* * *

 **Author's Notes/Thoughts** : Thorny a.k.a. Bakagari is a made up word by Sorach-sensei, which is a combination of thorn and brat.

Damn, Toshi, you're hard to write. No wonder why Sorachi-sensei has a pain in the ass time writing for you handsome fucker.

A la character research. _(┐「ε:)_

I think I have one up for Sougo too…

 **PSA** : Don't smoke, it's not worth it. I don't smoke, but I've seen the damage around people that do. Don't smoke. This was strictly written for character research. **DON'T SMOKE.**


End file.
